Page 61 of 75 MUSINGS, PHILOSOPHICAL AND THEOLOGICAL. - The Fiend's Delight

XX. The world of mind will be divided upon the question of baptism so long as there are two simple and effective methods of baptising, and they are equally disagreeable.

XXI. They are not equally disagreeable, but each is disagreeable enough to attract disciples.

XXII. The face of a pig is a more handsome face than the face of a man-in the pig's opinion.

XXIII. A pig's opinion upon this question is as likely to be correct as is a man's opinion.

XXIV. It is better not to take a wife than to take one belonging to some other man: for if she has been a good wife to him, she has adapted her nature to his, and will therefore be unsuited to yours. If she has not been a good wife to him she will not be to you.

XXV. The most gifted people are not always the most favoured: a man with twelve legs can derive no benefit from ten of them without crawling like a centipede.

XXVI. A woman and a cow are the two most beautiful creatures in the world. For proof of the beauty of a cow, the reader is referred to an ox; for proof of the beauty of a woman, an ox is referred to the reader.

XXVII. There is reason to believe that a baby is less comely than a calf, for the reason that all kine esteem the calf the more comely beast, and there is one man who does not esteem the baby the more comely beast.

XXVII. To judge of the wisdom of an act by its result is a very shallow plan. An action is wise or unwise the moment it is decided upon.

XXIX. If the wisdom of an action may not be determined by the result, it is very difficult to determine it.

XXX. It is impossible.

XXXI. The moon always presents the same side to the earth because she is heaviest on that side. The opposite side, however, is more private and secluded.

XXXII. Camels and Christians receive their burdens kneeling.

XXXIII. It was never intended that men should be saints in heaven until they are dead and good for nothing else. On earth they are mostly

XXXIV. Fools.

I, Grile, have arranged these primal truths in the order of their importance, in the hope that some patient investigator may amplify and codify them into a coherent body of doctrine, and so establish a new religion. I would do it myself were it not that a very corpulent and most unexpected pudding is claiming my present attention.

O, steaming enigma! O, savoury mountain of hidden mysteries! too long neglected for too long a sermon. Engaging problem, let me reveal the secrets latent in thy breast, and unfold thine occult philosophy! [Cutting into the pudding.] Ah! here, and here alone is-[Eating it]. LAUGHORISMS.

.... When a favourite dog has an incurable pain, you "put him out of his misery" with a bullet or an axe. A favourite child similarly afflicted is preserved as long as possible, in torment. I do not say that this is not right; I claim only that it is not consistent. There arc two sorts of kindness; one for dogs, and another for children. A very dear friend, wallowing about in the red mud of a battle-field, once asked me for some of the dog sort. I suspect, if no one had been looking, he would have got it.

		Love is a friendship with erotical moments. Antonio Gala

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